Nothing mere about meerkats

Well, hello once again! Am feeling almost invincible after two weeks of success with the JWYGT blogs. I hadn’t expected to be receiving yeses from you so early… and so far I’ve managed to sell you on the Hangman’s tour of the Old Melbourne Gaol and the Eureka Tower. I  feel as though I could just about head off anywhere right now and convince you it was worth a visit.

This week I’ve done something a little different and gone to the Melbourne Zoo for a Close Up Meerkat Encounter. Now, I know this is likely to underwhelm some people–travelers who’ve been through Africa and done safaris will no dout sniff  “zoos are fine but it’s soooo much better seeing animals in their natural habitat.” I’ll grant you that, lofty travelers. But on the flip side, at the zoo you’re seeing said animals at their most relaxed. No need to hunt, no need to flee predators, home delivered meals every day. The Circle Of Life is a fine song if you’re a lion sitting at the top of the food chain, but if you’re a poor little impala, it may as well be the music that heralds the start of The Hunger Games.

My partner in crime for the meerkat encounter was my little sister Caitlin. For the record, she is an awesome zoo visiting comrade–partly because she’s great fun, but mainly because she’s willing to behave like a person on day release from a supervised group home. Gorilla sitting with his back to everyone and flatly refusing to show his face for any photos?  Other zoo goers waiting, calling out, giving up and walking away? No worries. Caitlin will happily launch into a loud, spirited rendition of Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ (‘Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you never come around, turn around…’) and wa-lah! Before you know it, like a judge on The Voice, that gorilla has done a mesmerized 180…

From giving us nothing

To completely captivated by Cait

The actual meerkat encounter doesn’t take place till the afternoon so we had a few hours to kill. Fortunately, not-so-little baby elephant Man Jai (born weighing 131kg–so shut up ladies with your ’23 hours, no drugs, seriously, the midwives couldn’t believe it’ stories, his mum WINS any competitive tales of labour suffering conversation) was more than happy to entertain us… 

But on to the actual meerkat encounter! They provide you with an apron to protect your clothes and give you a serious briefing before you head in. They advise you to actually sit on your hands and avoid at all cost any temptation to pat the meerkats as they may BITE you. Now, I’m not sure what the side effects of being bitten by a meerkat might be. Perhaps you get a virus that gives you awesome, erect posture, adorable doe eyes and a tendency to move at a speed that screams I’VE HAD MY SIXTH LONG BLACK OF THE MORNING AND I’M DUE FOR MY SEVENTH RIGHT NOW SO FOR GODS SAKE GET OUTTA MY WAY!! That sounds pretty cute, right? But when I imagined what I’d actually look like with meerkat eyes–

Nope.

….I decided to heed their advice.

The meerkats you have the encounter with are about ten years old, and interestingly, the average life expectancy of a meerkat is about ten years, so *cough* at some point in the future it’s bound to make for a traumatic afternoon for the unsuspecting tourist who has a meerkat keel over on their lap.

Now, Jarrod, I had foolishly thought that the apron was there to protect you from any meerkat excretions (they’re elderly after all, who knows what their bladder control’s like?) or maybe so that you didn’t have to worry about shedding.

Not exactly.

You sit down and one of the keepers approaches you with a bucket. I thought it might be full of kibble or dried food.

Not exactly.

They reach into the bucket and then toss handfuls of LIVE LARVAE onto your lap!! I’d signed up to nurse a cute little furry animal, and here I was sitting there like an extra in Game of Thrones, playing ‘maggot infested corpse.’

Fighting the urge to scream and or bolt

Unlike myself, meerkats apparently can’t get enough of live larvae/maggots so they scuttle onto your lap quick smart and kindly stick around for a few photos… Shame you have to sit on your hands because in all of mine I look as though I’m handcuffed 🙁

Fear of being bitten winning out over urge to pet…

So damn cute!

You’re quite visible to the viewing public when you’re doing the meerkat encounter and passers by who don’t have a functioning frontal lobe sometimes feel compelled to shout observations. One of the girls who did the encounter with us was pretty buxom… ok, really buxom… ok, exceptionally buxom.  Stacked. The poor little meerkat on her lap stood up at one point and bumped his head on her right breast, got seemingly disoriented and turned his head only to bump the other breast. Disinhibited passer by shouted out ‘ha! The meerkat is breastfeeding!’

So bloody inappropriate. (I mean, it was clearly motorboating).

I’ve probably told you all you need to know  about the meerkat encounter at the zoo, Jarrod. It’s over to these little guys now, as they have a big question for you!

Jarrod, would you go there?