Hola chicos, from over in Peru! Jarrod, I’m going to kick off by stating with absolute, 100% certainty that you would have totally lost your mind on the trip to get over here. Check in at 5am for flight to Sydney to get connecting flight to Santiago, Chile. Arrive at the International terminal, squint up at the departures board and Lan Chile flight LA800 is CANCELLED. The very worst of the C Words. Not delayed, CANCELLED.
I stand there blinking up at the board for a few minutes waiting for that information to correct itself and the announcement that ‘Lan Chile apologises for any confusion caused’ but it doesn’t. I mutter a different C word (one which probably doesn’t belong on information boards) and head to the check in counter, where I queue up behind 60 other grizzly passengers to find out what the plan is.
We stand there for about 50mins and the line does not move.
I distract myself for a little while by working on my powers of telekinesis, trying to levitate the bags of those people at the counter onto the belt where they will make that magical conveyor belt journey and disappear, to magically reappear on our magically now-non-cancelled-flight. As it turns out I either don’t have powers of telekinesis, or I was just a little ambitious, and spoon bending is a better starting point for beginners than lifting 30kg suitcases. Nobody is being put on flights. The body language of the passengers at the counter is patently pissed off and argumentative. Pointing, hands on hips, eye rolling and my personal favourite: head shaking with a pursed mouth. I’m no body language expert but these are not hallmark signs of “wow, what a relief! Thank you for getting this sorted so promptly”
Not going to bore you with all the details but we are forced to do some Amazing Race style sprinting through the airport, and get on a specially chartered flight to Auckland to find that……Joy! Our connecting flight from there is delayed about 8 hours. We get some meal vouchers so that we can sulkily eat Hungry Jacks while we wait. You have never seen a group of people munching on Whoppers quite so furiously. Stretched out and slept like a hobo across a few lounges for a bit using my Game Of Thrones novel as a pillow #glamourouslife. My threshold for irritation was plummeting. They say that when you’re in New York City you are only ever about 3 metres from a rat. Did also you know that when you’re at an airport on school holidays, you are only ever 3 metres from a young girl singing along to Frozen on her iPad? I’m going to have a conditioned response to that soundtrack for the rest of my life and that response is Homicidal.
Finally, finallly get to Lima at midnight after flying or being trapped and tetchy in airports for 34 hours. An airport transfer man is mercifully there to meet me. Apparently sensing my desperate need to get to a bed and sleep, he proceeds to make the drive to the hotel at blistering speeds averaging between 20 and 40km an hour.
After an hour and a quarter of driving in what feels like very slow circles, past at least two dozen casinos with sketchy characters milling around outside in the darkness, we get to the hotel. I catch my reflection in the car window as I’m getting my bags out, and quite honestly resemble one of those women on a Sixty Minutes special outlining the ‘shocking story of a woman who’s been discovered in the wild having been adopted and raised by a pack of wild dogs.’
Now, here’s a free tip for travellers about hotel check in after delayed flights. No matter how relieved you are to be at your destination, always remember that disproportionate expressions of gratitude MAKE PEOPLE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. Do NOT move in for a hug when the man at reception gives you your room key. Do NOT weep ‘gracias, gracias, oh gracias’ repeatedly. He has not given you one of his kidneys for that transplant you desperately need, he’s given you the wifi password.
Bed, sweet bed. Slept like a corpse. Will update you next on exploring lovely Lima next blog. Here’s a teaser as to what you can expect:
Things take a macabre turn…
It’s the remains of passengers waiting for their return flights on Lan Chile. LOLOLOL. Just kidding, it’s catacombs. In the meantime though: the journey to Peru. Jarrod, would you go there?
WTF !! Only consolation is that there is surely no way it could get worse. Holidays are supposed to be a source of relaxation, not stress like this! Don’t know about whether or not Jarrod would go there but for me, I’ll stick to mainstream holiday destinations!
OH MY GOD MEGAN!!!! that deserved to be in capitals. You poor, poor darling. I would have been totally peeed off. I am so glad that your transfer was there to pick you up. I swear I was inches away from shoving my arm through the phone to strangle the neck of the perky little receptionist who kept telling me “she was doing all she could to contact Lima, but I had to understand it is after hours over there”. Really??? On searching google it was 6.08pm and this is not the 17th century last time I looked, they do have other means of being contacted surely.
Anyway that aside your adventures look like they are in full amazing Megan style and I know it will be an absolute blast. Can’t wait to read the next blog, so I am signing off here. Love you, take care and stay safe.
Oh Megs – so, how is that kidney going that the concierge gave you? Better than Hungry Jacks? Mental note to self – do not attempt to hug any receptionists. I’m glad that you are settled and clearly now enjoying all that Peru is offering you – I may pass on the catacombs though (as interesting as I am certain they are), I’m more your palm tree, pool and cocktail traveller 🙂 xxx
De
Rocky start to what is going to be an amazing trip! Happy blogging xxx