The Best Medicine: The Melbourne Medical History Museum

Now Jarrod, I know you’ll be bristling at the title of this week’s blog, because the word ‘museum’ will trigger flashbacks to tedious 1990’s school excursions, where we had to trudge around collecting answers to arbitrary questions on an excursion worksheet. But stay with me, because this is not your ordinary museum.

Your prescription: one hour of most interesting education

It’s not just history, it’s MEDICAL HISTORY! I have an almost morbid fascination with the portrayl of medicine in historical dramas.  As far as I can gather, the skill set ranges from browmopping bedside vigils (weeping and prayer encouraged but not mandatory), to bloodletting, through to “you need an anasthetic before we operate. Quick, take a shot of whiskey and bite down on this here leather belt.” So when I discover that there is a museum at Melbourne University dedicated to medical history, frankly I’m about ready to draw up my own excursion worksheet. Better yet, it’s free. FREE.  You can find all the details about the MUMHM by clicking on the link here:

Melbourne Uni Medical History Museum Site

I put out feelers for fellow medicophiles and the outing piques the interest of comedy friends Jo and Claire, so they join me on a freezing cold Saturday afternoon. Claire is hungover and a little delicate–so really, what better place to be in that state than wandering about, looking at gruesome old devices that inflicted unspeakable pain? Certainly puts your own headache and low grade nausea into perspective. Example: I point out a 19th century amputation kit to Claire and she backs away murmuring “Oh God, no, look at the knives, no, no, nononononono.” Not the knives, I correct her gently, I meant the big saw and calico straps. She swoons slightly. Very 19th century of her.

Not the toolbox you want to see being produced.

We wander about the exhibits gawping, engrossed, calling one another over whenever we spot something particularly interesting. There are some mystifying objects behind the glass cabinets–for example, none of us can see quite how a taxidermied mongoose fighting a cobra relates to the history of medicine. But it’s there. Perhaps it was a distraction device employed before an agonising procedure? (“Look, over there, a cobra!” *Lances boil) More likely a curator has lost a longstanding battle at home to exhibit the mongoose in the poolroom. “LAST CHANCE, HENRY! EITHER THAT BLOODY MONGOOSE GOES, OR I DO!” We’ll never know.

There’s a temporary exhibit on Dentistry Through The Ages at the moment with some pretty intriguing displays. This, for example made me exceedingly grateful for the modern bridal registry. I don’t want to hear anyone complain about getting two toasters ever again. Ever. (Also, what is wrong with having more devices at your disposal to make you toast?? Toast is the best)

Ummmm, I don’t think that’s what Indentured means….

It would make for an unbelievably romantic moment at the wedding, though. The ethereal bride pulling back her veil, to reveal her bewitching new smile….

Spring loaded, all the better to say ‘I do’

There are old cartoons on display, old newspaper articles, and devices that just plain remind me of something you’d see in that leather pouch a Bad Guy unfurls just as he threatens he has ways of making you talk–

Stop! I’ll tell you everything!

My favourite part of the museum though, is the adjoining Savory and Moore Pharmacy. This was an actual pharmacy in England that operated until 1968, serving the fashionable types in Belgrave Square and Buckingham Palace nearby. (Savory and Moore, for all your inbreeding related healthcare needs) When it closed, the shop fittings were all donated to Wellcome History Institute of Melbourne and it was developed as a museum exhibit to show the pharmaceuticals available in the late 1800’s.

Sexier than Chemist Warehouse.

Science lab meets Hogwarts

There are mortar and pestles, because hey–sometimes you need medicine, sometimes you need a spell, and sometimes you need your drugs disguised as a spice blend you can rub onto a lamb backstrap. There are beakers and Bunsen burners…

Very early Breaking Bad.

and shelves and shelves of beautiful bottles and cannisters, filled with various ingredients. We’re not sure what they are exactly. Some of them appear to be choc buds, kool mints and milk bottles but none of us is game to reach for a bottle to try. (Respect for history. Fear that they may be actual drugs. Also, CCTV security in operation)

I’ll take 10ml of Jockey Club please. Will that render me under 55kg?

Spice Rack Goals.

Those pink cannisters. Need.

The pharmacy section I find the most fascinating is the shelving filled with old tonics and prescriptions. Nipple shields, to protect the sore nipples of nursing mothers. Fashioned from wood or pewter.

What, you can’t afford a wet nurse? You poor, gross person. Put some metal on your areola

Baby on the box, expression: the very definition of unimpressed

Now, as a person who sometimes feels like her skull might actually cave in when trying to drink a viscous thickshake, I cannot even imagine the force a little baby would have to generate to get milk out of a boob, through a shield made of wood. I’m guessing the offspring of wooden nipple shield mums were easily identifiable by their thick, muscular necks and moderately concave faces.

Side effects may include…

I’m very drawn to the ointment that promises to fix bad legs

Squats and lunges be damned, I’m just going to rub this magic cream on my thighs!

I’m perturbed by the non discreet labelling. Confidentiality most definitely NOT assured. Anyone fossicking about in your bathroom cabinet would know your darkest secrets instantly. WORMS! DISGUSTING WORMS! AND she’s very farty and burpy as well.

Discretion absolutely denied.

I’m bewildered by what this is for exactly. Worried about your loved one who’s vegetarian and low on energy? Slip some Meat Juice into her tea…

Everything is coming up gravy.

I’m bemused by this new and specific tonic that apparently treats a very non specific range of conditions–

Specifically for a variety of vague ailments. More or less.

And I’m gobsmacked when faced with this–

Not “hazardous” per se

Patient: But doctor, is this medication safe?

Doctor: Oh, absolutely. (chuckles) You have nothing to worry about. It’s completely “safe.”

Patient: Okay, I’m going to need you to tell me that again, only this time without the air quotation marks, please.

The medical museum isn’t huge, I’d say we spend about an hour and a a half exploring all told. I found it engrossing but as always, Jarrod, and readers I will throw it over to you. The Melbourne University Medical History Museum, Jarrod, would you go there?

*I may have developed a worksheet you can complete, if that sweetens the deal