Llama-Rama!! Trekking with Hanging Rock Llamas

I couldn’t even begin to feign cool indifference in the lead up to this week’s blog-scursion, Jarrod. In fact, all week I was specifically asking people what they were up to on the weekend and patiently waiting for them to finish telling me about some kids birthday party/just a bit of running around/swimming lessons blah blah blah blah so that I could blurt out ME? I’M GOING TREKKING WITH LLAMAS!! Sometimes the other party hadn’t even asked what I was up to yet, I just blurted away like someone without a functioning frontal lobe.

Most people were intrigued and/or vicariously excited by this–obviously the appropriate reaction. One friend, however, let’s call him Steve, was merely perplexed by our plans, and begged the question “why on earth would you need Llamas to go trekking in Victoria?”

Honestly. Look at this face. The apt question, Steve, is why WOULDN’T you???

Why? The Question, my friend is WHY NOT?

Click on this site, you’ll find all the information you need about Hanging Rock Llama Treks

https://www.facebook.com/hangingrockllamatreks/

They do treks of various lengths, they do farm experiences, they provide afternoon tea, they encourage you to bring your camera for countless photo opportunities (and BOY, do we test the boundaries of that directive on the day #butfirstllamatakeaselfie). Downright awesome but if you still need more convincing, please read on.

I put out feelers to my comedy friend Evie: ‘What are your thoughts about a 12km walk near Mount Macedon with some llamas accompanying?’ and attach the link. She responds ‘I don’t even need to click that link to say yes. Omg. Where has this been all my life?’

So I guess she’s keen.

I also ask comedy buddy Lauren and she replies entirely in caps–I guess she’s keen also. We arrive at our designated picnic ground meeting point on Saturday morning at 9:30am sharp. And this is the sight that greets us….

‘I’ll be the guy with four llamas’ = so much better than ‘I’ll be wearing a yellow carnation’

Honestly, it’s a minor miracle that the news bulletins that evening don’t include a live cross to Mount Macedon where police tape cordons off the picnic ground and a reporter gravely announces that “experts have now ruled out a terrorist attack, it appears the women spontaneously combusted from sheer excitement.”

Our guide for the day is the lovely operator of Hanging Rock Llamas, Mark. He introduces us to the four llamas that will be accompanying us on our trek. In no particular order, please meet Sonny-

Tentative hello pats

Chilli–a speckledy cutie with thighs like Beyonce…

Got some junk in my trunk and I am own-ing it

Jarro–who has flyaway hair that I compare to Donald Trump’s toupee (much to Mark’s horror–he decrees it ‘possibly the meanest thing anyone has ever said’)

You’re Fired!

and Warrigo…

The Leader of The Pack!

While Mark loads the panniers onto the llamas, we whip into a llama patting, llama selfie frenzy. I momentarily worry that they’ll detect I’m wearing an alpaca scarf from Peru… after all, if someone rocked up wearing a scarf fashioned out of my cousin’s hair I think I’d be onto it, but they don’t seem to pick up on it. They’re incredibly soft and really very placid from the get go.

Selfie with Sonny

Selfie with Chilli

Selfie with Trump

Initial pictures uploaded to Facebook, we’re ready to set off. We have a quick briefing from Mark on the basics of leading a llama, and we’re each given a little sporran full of llama treats that we can feed them at any point on the trail.

Evie takes Sonny, Lauren has Jarro, I’m with Chilli and Mark takes Warrigo. He admits Warrigo is a bit of a favourite partly because he’s such a dream to lead. ‘You literally can’t even feel him on the rope behind you.’ I toy with the idea of asking ‘can’t feel who behind you?’ and implying that Warrigo is a ghost that only Mark can see, but decide against it. We settle into a comfortable rhythm in single file along the track, chatting amongst ourselves. And by chatting amongst ourselves, I mean the llamas. They just don’t stop! They make a noise I can only describe as similar to the one I emit when someone suggests ‘we need a working party to draw up a process map for that’ at work. Hunnnnungnnnhhh. It’s honestly hilarious.

If you’ll let me get a word in, Jarro…

Classic Jarro!

Over the course of the trek we’re fascinated by the degree to which the llamas personalities emerge. Jarro’s very vocal, the super chatty guy in the group, and also not shy about diving down for Lauren’s sporran whether or not she’s offering him a treat. He’s like the friend you offer one chip to, and they take it as an invite to just help themselves from the bag whenever. Sonny is an incessant nuzzler, cosying up to Evie’s neck whenever he can. He’s also an absolute, bonafide, A Grade photo bomber.

Photobombing Llama!!

And Chilli is a shy guy. More on that later.

We come across the first of many fellow hikers about an hour into our trek and the surprise and sheer delight on their faces is plain as day. “Well! You certainly don’t see that every day!” they remark, and stop to chat and pat. This repeats over and over, with every group we encounter, to the extent that when the fifth batch of trekkers say “huh! you don’t see that every day!” I comment that it’s great to see them sticking to the script.

You don’t see that every day!

The absolute glee and wonder the llamas generate in others is really something to behold. It’s almost strange that in the space of a few hours we’ve become so accustomed to having them with us. Just casually walking our llamas, what of it? Ohhhhhh, that’s right. I too would be amazed if I was out trekking and happened upon a llama train only an hour and a bit out of Melbourne.

Gorgeous Mt Macedon

We’re told in our briefing at the start that if the llamas stop we need to just pull on the lead rope and move them along, unless they’ve spread their back legs a little because that means they’re taking a toilet break. We have a couple of these along the way and they take a little while which is probably down to their tiny little penises. Guys, we’re all familiar with the phrase hung like a horse or donkey, but if your lady tells you that you’re hung like a llama, let’s just say she is not complimenting you.

Warrigo, Jarro and Sonny are happy to just pee in the middle of the track, but Chilli is gun shy and has to step into the bushes just off to the side. He’s the chap who can’t go at a urinal, I guess. But he does manage to unleash possibly the most massive fart I’ve ever heard-right in front of Lauren. I half expect to turn around and see her being propelled backwards, hair buffeted like something from a Fleetwood Mac video with the sheer force of it.

We hike all the way up to Major Mitchell’s point to be rewarded with these panoramic views. Beautiful!

Llama AND Panorama

Chilli is so distracted by the vista that he clean forgets he’s wearing a pannier and with apparently no awareness of his dimensions, tries to squeeze through a narrow gap between two trees. Bless.

Damn my lovely lady lumps!

After our little photo-shoot up on the point, it’s all downhill to a picnic ground where we stop for lunch. Panniers off the llamas, they have a well earned breather to munch on some fresh grass;

Lunch break, llama style

while we tuck into a vastly more appetising spread of ham and salad sandwiches, chocolate chip biscuits, and fruit. Mark has even packed a little camp-stove and whips up piping hot coffee. Delicious. Suitably fortified, we make our way back to the starting point. Evie’s Fitbit informs us we’ve covered a total of 16km and an ascent equivalent to 80 flights of stairs. Not a bad Saturday’s work!

I’m going to miss you, Evie!

Time to say goodbye to our llamas and seriously, you’ve seen less emotional farewells at International Departures at the airport. We lament having come to Macedon in a Holden Astra with no trailer and joke* about kidnapping one of the llamas and contorting it to fit in the back seat of the car.

We had an incredible day trekking with llamas in Mount Macedon and whatever way you can wrangle it, whether it’s a farm experience with your kids or a trek yourselves (they do shorter treks, and treks that go along old rail trails with a pub lunch), I’d ABSOLUTELY recommend Hanging Rock Llama Treks. But as always, Jarrod, I will throw the big question over to you. Trekking with Llamas, Jarrod, would you go there?

*actually not joking one bit

This could be you, here!