Getting High In Melbourne: The Melbourne Star

Hey there, Jarrod (and anybody else who happens to be reading). Welcome to the blog about my very first Melbourne excursion, riding the Melbourne Star!

Based on my research, when you tell people you’re going on the Melbourne Star, they’ll exhibit one of three reactions. A third will say “Jesus, you’re brave/ you wouldn’t get me on it” A third will snort derisively and huff something along the lines of “what, is it actually working this week?! ” And a third will say “that’s great… but I don’t know you, crazy stranger, so could you just leave me in peace to read my book on the train?”

Your reaction Jarrod, was “Nup. Too dangerous. I’d rather swim in the Ganges” which places you firmly in the first category.

I’m not sure how much you remember about the history of Melbourne Star, so here’s a little refresher. It’s a giant wheel, along the lines of The London Eye, only ours had an obscenely long gestation period and has been plagued by complications and false starts. It’s kind of like a sickly child that both bemuses and frustrates Melburnians. It launched in 2008 and was open for only 40 days before it had to close due to major structural defects. That’s engineering speak for HUGE, GAPING CRACKS.

It then sat there in The Docklands, dormant for several years and basically became synonomous with the term ‘White Elephant.’ I imagine for our State Government it was like the exercise bike you spent good money on, sitting reproachfully in the corner of the lounge room… only The Star was too big to cover with a strategically draped beach towel.

Thereafter, basically lots of problems with reconstruction and contracting to get it rebuilt. For the life of me, Jarrod, I don’t know why they didn’t just get in touch with you. I mean, look at the amazing job you did building your pergola! That only took you a two weekends.

Eventually they got a team of crack engineers–ones who were actually ready for Ages 12 and up Lego–to tackle the problems and it reopened in December 2013. Only to close again due to software problems. But it’s been up and running since mid January without a hitch. Hurrah!

(FYI, I’m not sure why there’s a dinosaur in the park at the bottom, perhaps it’s some sort of tribute to the time taken to get the Star going? As in, ‘these guys were actually roaming the earth when production started?’)

Enough background though. You probably want to know what the experience was like, right? We opted for the Encore ticket option. $40 per adult and that gives you a ride during the day and another at sunset/nighttime within 30 days of your first ride.

We found the staff incredibly friendly and enthusiastic. It was weirdly quiet on the day we went though. I suspect they were just excited to see anyone. In fact, I worried that we might complete our loop and get back to the bottom to find they’d turned a bit Kathy Bates from Misery (“and don’t even think about anybody coming for you… nobody knows you’re here”) and refuse to let us out. And we’d ride the wheel forever, just to keep them company.

Each of the pods can accommodate up to 20 people but we had ours all to ourselves. The doors slide shut just as you start to ascend, and there’s this handy sign to remind you that pushing on the only thing between yourselves and a 40 story drop is not recommended.

We actually felt quite calm until the doors closed.  At that point my gorgeous-but-prone-to-bouts-of-fretting friend Nicole (pictured) noticed all of the ladders built into the construction, and had a minor freak out about the prospect of the wheel breaking down and having to climb out of the pod 40 stories up. This probably wasn’t helped by the fact that the wheel moves incredibly slowly. Like, you cannot even feel that you’re moving slowly. This is great for taking photos, but not so good for people with imaginations that fast forward to live news crosses where ‘a dramatic rescue is taking place.’

There’s a non optional commentary that plays out of speakers as you go around. Apparently you’re going to be educated, damn it, whether you like it or not. Did you know that the Melbourne shopping scene has funky stores where you can get “all the little knick knacks that spice up your life?” Mind blowing!

So, what did I think of the view? Well. There’s been a lot of criticism about the decision to build The Star in the Docklands. Some argue that the sexier side of Melbourne is to the East, where you have views of the MCG, the Yarra River, the Parklands and the Arts Centre precinct. There’s no disputing that side of the city is incredibly pretty. The roof of Costco and shipping containers—mmm, not so much. I’m going to go on record, as saying that the ride in daylight was okay, but not brilliant. Maybe if they made the roof of Costco transparent it might be enhanced? You could marvel about how from way up high those gi-normous Costco trolleys look almost regular sized.

Sunset though, was really quite lovely. I mean, look at the pictures. There is definitely something to be said for the view from the west. I half wish that I’d gone with a group of friends, split across two adjacent pods and gotten some pictures of silhouetted sunset shenanigans. (Don’t pretend you wouldn’t have died laughing if I’d captured a shadow art version of The Human Centipede against the dramatic backdrop of Port Phillip Bay….)

The Bolte Bridge and Port Phillip Bay

City lights make everything look stunning

Wasted opportunity for shadowy shenanigans…

I’ll be back next week having seen another attraction–a Hangman’s Night Tour of the Old Melbourne Gaol.

But in the meantime Jarrod, The Melbourne Star, would you go there?