Cliffs of pink and vino to drink- Heathcote

What’s the first thing you think of when someone mentions they’re off to Heathcote? If you were to survey Melburnians, Family Feud style, I’m pretty sure the top responses would look something like this:

1) A Gutsy Shiraz
2) A Bold Shiraz
3) Shiraz (no adjective)
4) Sorry, you’re off to where?

I’ll wager though, that not many people know about two of Heathcote’s loveliest attractions–the Pink Cliffs and the Heathcote Harvest Produce Store & Cafe. Pretty pink rock formations, and a place that serves delicious food and wine, specialising in free range pork. This could only be more appealing if I happened upon said pork slow cooking on a spit AT the pink cliffs so I could literally gorge at a little gorge.

Look, even one of their antipasto platters would do, if a spit roast was too big an ask….

The Pink Cliffs in Heathcote are just out of the main town, on the aptly named Pink Cliffs Road. Nowadays water cannons are mainly used to make unruly rioters disperse, but back in the 1870s during the gold rush, prospectors used giant water cannons to sluice through the rock, and in doing so unearthed these mini gorges with their spectacular colours.

Early model Super Soakers: quite deadly, actually.

Trip Advisor reviews of the Pink Cliffs are mixed, with several travellers complaining they wouldn’t describe the hues as PINK. We all know people like this. I’ve travelled with people like this: just perpetually underwhelmed. “I thought it’d be on a bigger lean,” they sniff, at the Leaning Tower Of Pisa. “I don’t know that I’d call it a Death Road, exactly” they sneer about the world’s most dangerous road in Bolivia. “Well they call it an infinity pool, but I reached the end easily enough…” No pleasing them.

Heathcote is a mere 90 mins drive out of Melbourne so it makes for an easy day trip. I head up with friend Nadine and we hit the Pink Cliffs around midday. Tempting as the idea of meandering through the wee gorges might be, there are signs politely asking tourists to stick to the tracks and not walk through or climb on the formations, as they’re prone to erosion. Neither of us want to be responsible for future generations only being able to go and admire a paddock of pink sand– so we oblige. Five minutes walk from the car park, and we’re at the upper lookout.

Observing from a safe distance, nil danger of 127 hours scenario occuring

Nadine observes that the gorges before us almost resemble a lunar landscape but tbh I don’t see any similarities b/w the coloured rock crevasses and the interior of a film studio from 1959. Each to their own, I guess.

Maybe if you add some men in space suits, or a flag?

Close up, the rocks look like the ugly, rough skin cells from the ‘before’ slide in Aveeno moisturiser commercials. Ugh.

The Secret is out! Hydration is in! Thanks, Jen

But observed without a telephoto lens, they’re quite pretty.

‘Are they pink, though?!’ you ask? ARE THEY PINK?

Look, I didn’t bring down my Pantone colour cards to make a definitive call either way, but I can see some peachy pink sections. So, yes. Besides, The Terracotta Peachy Apricotish Hell It All Depends On The Time Of Day And The Lighting Cliffs doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it, now?

There are some pink sections. Sections. (I refuse to call them pink bits)

We spend about 45 minutes there and having trekked for all of fifteen minutes, we declare it’s time to replenish our depleted energy stores with a hearty lunch. Off to the Harvest Produce Store & Cafe.

Le Establishment.

This gorgeous little place is a must visit if you’re in Heathcote. They breed their own Free Range Berkshire Pigs, grow a lot of their own produce, and the majority of their menu uses locally sourced ingredients, matched with local wines. Their bacon is famous and for good reason, Nadine has some with her lunch and proclaims it the best bacon she has ever had in her life. (Worth mentioning: It is mildly unnerving eating pork products when you can see little piglets in the distance who are possibly wondering why they haven’t seen Uncle Hubert for a few weeks now–was he really just popping out to get some cigarettes?) But such is the nature of paddock to plate.

Observe: my Ploughman’s Lunch for one. That’s right. All that fare FOR ONE. House made terrine, local cheeses and condiments with lightly toasted bread.

Cheese please.

Despite feeling so full that’d I’d frankly welcome someone just cutting my skinny jeans right off me as though it was a medical emergency, we waddle into the little produce store and buy yet more food. House made sausages, free range eggs (laid yesterday), local honey, home made blood orange marmalade, peach and rosewater jam–add to cart! Add it ALLLLLL to cart.

We had a fabulous day taking in some of the sights and gastronomic delights in Heathcote, but as always, throwing it over to you. The Pink Cliffs and tastes of Heathcote–Jarrod, would you go there?