Jarrod, Would You Swim There?

No word from you yet, Jarrod on whether you’d consider going rappelling based on my blog last week…but I’m guessing that’s because you’re busy watching the video over, and over, and over; marveling at the skill on display and asking yourself “could that REALLY have been her first time? Surely not!” This week’s blog-scursion mercifully occurs at zero metres elevation, in waist deep, salt water immersion. Which sounds lovely, doesn’t it. A decadent spa, perhaps? A flotation tank? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s VALENTINE’S DAY! What else would you do but go swimming with sharks and stingrays?!

Bad Romance

I discovered the Oz Shark and Ray Centre on Trip Advisor and the idea of feeding sharks and rays had me intrigued, because if media reports are anything to go by, sharks live on a diet of plankton, smaller fish, and surfers. Choosing my partner for this activity was a no brainer. My good friend, comedian Gabe Hogan is the biggest animal lover I know. (And if I’m being honest, I’ve also never heard her talk about being on her school swimming squad. So I am quite certain I can swim faster than her should I need to put something between myself and a famished shark). The Shark and Ray Centre is located on the Princes Highway in Dandenong South, around 40 mins from the city. Standard entry for an adult is $29.50 but if you want to get into the water as opposed to just feeding over the edge of the pools, it’s $44.50.

We meet in the car park around 10am as planned. I’ve failed my promise to turn up wearing a red carnation so that Gabe knows it’s me, her Valentine’s date but hey, we all know how utterly outrageous the price of flowers is on Feb 14th. To our delight there are only about another 6 cars there. Nobody else got the brief that smelling fishy is a huge drawcard on the most romantic day of the year.  After a brief wait in line where we amuse ourselves with the merch for sale-

Tell me honestly, does this make my eyes look hollow and deadly?

… we are handed our wetsuits and scuttle off to the change rooms to don them over our swimmers, repeating to ourselves the Communal Wetsuit Mantra “They clean these things. Don’t think about who’s worn this before you and what they did in it.” We are given a briefing: to feed the sharks and rays simply take the raw fish/squid from your little cup, and attach it to the peg on the end of your stick. Do not attempt hand feeding. And importanly, when walking in the water be sure to just slide your feet along the floor rather than stepping normally, because a shark or ray may have darted underneath your foot. I imagine stepping uninentionally, becoming a veritable marine Godzilla leaving a trail of bloody destruction in her wake. Unaware I have crushed a family of rays till the bodies float lifelessly to the surface. I vow to move ONLY by sliding my feet. Commencing on land, in the locker area.

Not even going to chance a Moonwalk.

Sushi Sushi.

Before we even get to the first shallow pool we are distracted by adorable Port Jackson sharks in a pool on our right. They swim right up to the edge like the greeting party (before we even peg a bit of fish for them!) For sharks, they are ridiculously friendly, like puppies clamouring for attention. And, sidenote, strangely sandpapery to the touch. We feed them a couple of pieces of fish from the stick and they attack the pegs with the gusto and noise of a baby gnawing on a rusk. Gabe is so smitten I’m worried we are not potentially going to get past this point.

Making bedroom eyes…

Before going in for a cheeky kiss. They’re going to be so happy together…

Not sure if you’re familiar with these little guys, but close up, they look like this-

Oh HAI THERE! *blows bubbles seductively*

And from some angles, they almost look like little piglets floating in water-

Some people tell me this is my best angle…

But some say I’m cuter slightly side on?

We spend some time playing with the Port Jacksons, then move onto the next pool with slippery stingrays. I am such a sucker for a little stingray face, but unfortunately the sides of the pools are opaque rather than see through like aquariums, and the rays don’t flip over to do much leisurely backstroking. But you do catch glimpses of them when you’re feeding. One problem I grapple with all day is that sharks and stingrays are not big poseurs. They move quickly and constantly which makes capturing anything other than a deformed blurry image a challenge to say the least. If only animals and marine life paused like we do when food is put in front of it to commemorate the moment on Instagram. Sigh. In spite of their best attempts to duck and weave, I do get this guy looking delighted after what was evidently a particularly spectacular piece of fish:

THAT HIT THE SPOT!

We move from there into the pool with the Estuary Rays, with their pretty markings. And I don’t want to brag or anything, but one of them gets pretty obsessed with me and proceeds to stalk me all around the pool. Seriously, whenever I look down, he’s there like this:

I know this is moving kind of fast but I think I love you.

I briefly wonder whether he might have accidentally attached to the top of my water shoe. Not the case, as it turns out. Just enamoured.

Next up we transition into the deeper pool where we can swim with 3 of their biggest rays. Sadly at this point we have to share the water with some of the more irritating other visitors, including one 10 year old boy whose dad charmingly tells him at one point to “shut the F%^k up, you’re sh%&*ing me!” (He’s sh%&*ing all of us, truth be told, with his a) inability to stand still when instructed, which makes the rays skittish and disinclined to approach, and b) his incessant, whiny, high pitched chorus about what he wants. It is like being in a pool with Veruca Salt. It is genuinely tempting to hold him underwater and hope a ray can swallow him whole, like a python.

Nonetheless, we meet Diablo, the biggest ray with a span of over 2 metres. When he moves across the pool it’s like witnessing an eclipse. He is huge.

Just try and fit all of me in frame. You can’t. Many have tried.

And his slightly smaller (and friendlier) stablemate-

Whatcha got on the end of your stick, there?

Is it squid? Please let it be squid!

Yes it’s squid! Oh, happy dance!

Then it’s into the big pool to meet the big boys of the centre. Introducing Gigantor, 18 years old and apparently weighing in at over 300kg. (For the record, I would hate to be routinely introduced with my age and a guestimate of my weight! So it’s just as well I’m not an animal or a famous actress, because those two bits of information seem to be the most noteworthy things to report on when one is writing about an actresses in a magazine *climbs down off soapbox*). You may be thinking that the pool is quite shallow and small for such a large specimen, but apparently this breed in the wild sleeps 20 hours per day and actually moves about very little. The couch potato of the seas, so to speak.

Gabe making friends with the beast

Also introducing Jeremiah. You need to watch your digits around him because he’s a nibbler. Veruca Salt require reminding of this roughly every five seconds from Father Of The Year (“fingers out of the water, you little s*&t!”) while the collective group consciousness is telepathically screaming “get him, Jeremiah, get him!”

Keeping my fingers out of the water because I know who’s behind me…

Gabe and I get to spend some 1:1 time with the big rays after this because everyone else (fools!) leaves after meeting the biggest fish. We spend a good twenty minutes with them feeding, patting, and just marveling at the way they move through the water. From there it’s into another tank where some of the cutest rays share resident with gummy sharks. We’re no fans of the gummy sharks, they move quickly and slyly and grab the sticks for food too aggressively. At one point Gabe loses her stick to a shark altogether, it’s just wrenched from her hands.

All up we spend about three and a half hours in the water and we would happily stay longer but our bladders are full and the idea of peeling off the wetsuit and doing it back up is just too much for either of us to deal with. We bid a reluctant farewell, Gabe perhaps hovering longer than I consider socially appropriate with her new Port Jackson shark buddy…

We had a fabulous time there but I’m going to throw it over to you. Swimming with sharks and rays – Jarrod, would you go there?

Surrounded!